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Learning to be Happy When Nothing is Going Right

To be honest, right now things have been all over the place. One moment I am happy, and five minutes later, I am sad and don’t even feel like moving.

Finding Happiness

Sometimes I just sit upstairs at my computer and think, what am I even doing? Am I wasting my time? Why am I not happy?

Where I am at Now

Right now I am sitting at the beach in Mobile, Alabama writing this. Funny enough I currently have a good job, money in the bank, my health, and plenty of things going for me. Although, the things that matter most to me like friends, love, and faith all seem to be struggling.

I guess this is what it looks like to be successful on the outside, but feel empty on the inside. I hear about it all the time right? It is that cliche story about a man who has it all, but has nothing at the same time.

Never did I think that would be me, but here we are. I have everything I want, but not what my soul needs. I am completely satisfied on my physical needs, but my spiritual needs are lacking. Those connections and people that mean so much, all seem so far away when I need them.

It’s funny because, I’ve always been so proud to have such a strong inner circle. For years I had people texting me daily who cared about me and loved me just talking to me all the time. We talked about anything and everything. Their day, their feelings, my day, my feelings, what they had for lunch, just anything.

It was nice having people constantly there supporting me and communicating with me who I trusted and cared for.

Now that’s all gone.

Either through friends getting married or just distance, my support system has slowly started to slip away. It happened over a few years, but I realized it all at once.

Feeling Lost

Sometimes I question everything.

Why am I working so hard to not have anyone to share this success with?

What’s the point of having the world if I do not have someone to enjoy it with?

I really don’t know. That is basically what I am trying to discover. How do I do things for just…. me? Throughout my life I have always leveraged my relationships and social circle to encourage myself to push for more, be more. I told myself – I will become really successful and make everyone proud!

I want to change their lives, and give back to those that gave so much to me. Not that I still can’t do that, but it’s different when those people are not as close or really in your life very much. It is also different when you do not have someone to love.

Naturally, I am a lover. I put that person first and try everything in my power to support and give that person the world. Without that person, it almost feels like there’s not a lot of purpose to being successful. Funny enough, it almost feels selfish to chase success without someone to share it with.

Finding my Happiness

While that may be silly, it is just how I truly feel. I was made from love, and I am made to love. It is my nature, my human nature. It’s in my DNA.

Even so, I must still find my happiness. But how do I find happiness, or joy, when none of my needs feel met?

That is the battle I have been fighting lately. How do I tell myself to be happy, when I clearly am lacking the desires of my heart?

To be honest, I am not completely sure. There isn’t an easy answer to that expect maybe prayer and patience. Apart of all of these feelings and emotions is a lack of trust and a lack of self love. It has started to really make me think – Do I love myself?

The easy answer is yes, but when I really think about it, I love other people more than I love myself. I always have.

I will do just about anything for the people I love, but for myself I usually will do very little. That is why I need them to feel driven. That is why when my relationships in my inner circle or with my significant other is off, things seem to collapse all around me and the world just stops.

I might love myself, but I do not love myself fully or properly. It is weird to think about it, but it is true.

Therefore, I am starting to re-learn how to love myself. Day by day I have to ask myself, what do I want? Do I want success? Do I want to work 12-14 hours a day just to move the dial a little bit or increase my chances for a new lifestyle, or do I want a simple life? Additionally, what do I truly value? Is it loyalty or money or maybe I value effort. I really don’t know.

Leaning to Love Myself

In this journey to properly learn to love myself, I first had to let a few things go.

A few of those things were friends, some bad habits, and even a lover. I had to let those things go, in order to figure out what I was really holding onto. There were too many things covering up what I was gripping onto.

I didn’t know what mattered most to me until everything else was out of the way. What was left was what I held onto.

Some of those things are fears and doubts about myself. I can’t love myself if I doubt myself. Ironically, I know I am capable of anything, but not doing it for myself. There are clearly some internal issues that I need to work out, and I will work out. With prayer and patience, I will find out what my heart desires for me and what I want for myself. This is my life, and I need to start living it for me.

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How to Create the Life You Want

Recently, I have been talking with several people about life. Each person I spoke with has gone through a rather rough set of circumstances only to come out on the other side to find, they are not where they want to be in life.

Either they got caught up in a job to support their lifestyle, a bad relationship constantly trying to fix things to make it work, or simply they just did not put forth enough effort to focus on their real goals in life. No matter what the reason was or the thing they blame, the outcomes are all the same. They did not create the life they wanted to live. They did not work for it.

Because of hearing this song sung over and over with the same tune maybe just in a different key, I want to go through my tips on how I daily try to build my dream life. Therefore, let’s dive into my top 5 ways to create the life you want.

Create the Life You Want

In order to create the life you want, there needs to be a strong, solid foundation. That foundation is commonly referred to as your purpose. When is the last time you honestly asked yourself:

What is my purpose in life?

The easiest way to answer this question is to look at what you do daily. If you are running to work, trying to chug coffee to get past the lunch sleeps, hurrying home to watch a tv show, and staring at your phone for hours just to wait for someone to like a post, then I have bad news for you. You do not have a strong purpose.

You see, reality, when put into perspective, can either save you or crush you. More often than not, in order to save you it must first crush you. The reality of your daily life, is your purpose. It doesn’t matter what you do on some Saturdays once a month, or what you think about doing, or what you even tried to do at one point. What you do everyday is representative of your purpose.

Therefore, once you have realized your purpose, or lack there of, its time to change that into what it needs to be. For that, we need to start with a dream.

Start with a Dream

In order to truly be passionate about something so that you do it every single day, it needs to make you feel alive.

Here is how you tell what your dream is or what you are really passionate about.

If you are tired, I am talking end of day, been up for 16-18 hours, its raining out side and the pillow is calling your name tired, and you think of doing this thing and it makes you not want to lay down, then that is your dream.

Whatever makes you want to dance when you feel too heavy to move, whatever makes you want to run when you don’t even have shoes on, whatever makes you want to not miss a second of it, that is your dream.

If you truly do not have anything that makes you feel this way, don’t worry. That just means you have not found your dream yet. It is still out there waiting for you, waiting for you to discover it. You will know when you find your dream, when you find your real passion. It will be like a light bulb went off that will not turn off even if you unplug it, unscrew the bulb, or cover it up.

Find your dream and hold on to it.

Access Your Dream

The next part is incredibly important for this whole thing to work. If you truly want to create the life you want, you need to make sure those wants are reasonable.

This is one of those, reality check moments again.

Just because you get excited to watch the superbowl does not mean you can make it in the NFL. Likewise, just because you see a gymnast preform a triple back in the Olympics and think, that would be amazing, does not mean you should buy a trampoline and start chunking it.

What I am trying to say is, make sure your dream is out of your current grasp, but still obtainable or physically possible.

Maybe your dream is to be a writer? Fantastic, then you have a long way to go and many years of practice and exposure to gain. It is obtainable for just about anyone that is determined and willing to learn. Possibly your dream is to buy the New York Jets one day like Gary Vee. Then you sure as heck better start getting good at business, investing, and work your face off every moment of your life to do so.

The main thing here is, the bigger the dream, the more of a reality check you need to have with yourself about the expectations and outcomes. Maybe you want to buy the New York Jets, work your face off but only end up as a millionaire. You have to learn to savor your wins with your losses. Even if you do not accomplish your ultimate dream, the journey is what is important. For that journey, you are going to need to chart a path to success.

Chart a Path to Success

For every dream, every single dream, there needs to be a meditated and deliberate plan of action. Specifically, you need to chart a path to success.

Now that you have found your dream and you’ve accessed it for attainability, its time to start planning. This is the best part about the process. It is the part where you get to not only dream but plan. Maybe your dream is to become that writer. Then you better chart out the top schools in your area for writing, read some books, watch some tutorials on how to write better, and slowly start to immerse yourself in the culture and writing industry.

Once you have a heading of the general path to your dream, it is time to break it down into your milestones and daily routine.

Milestones are those big moments or breakthroughs where you can look back and say, wow how did I already get here? You will be amazed at how fast those milestones come and go as you build your dream life.

The most important part in charting a path to success is getting the daily routine down. You see over a year, there is plenty of time to get work done, develop skills, or change your life. Although, day by day, it is a different story. You see the real success in creating a life you want comes in the daily struggle. The daily grind decides on if you will create your dream life, or if you will just be a dreamer.

Be Open to Changes in the Path

With the main path laid out, your milestones set in your mind, and your daily routine fully functional, you still need to prepare for some hiccups along the way.

I can not remember one idea I had where the starting path and the finished path looked exactly alike. Almost every single time there were things I did not consider, things I did not know about, or things I learned that shifted the goal ever so slightly. You are going to always hit some road blocks along the way as well that can change your course, but always keep pushing forward.

Sometimes, your dream may even completely change, but that is okay as long as you are comfortable with the new direction and just as passionate. More often than not, what we want and expect is not always what we receive or get once we get there. Therefore, you need to be flexible but also determined to push through whatever obstacles come your way and whatever changes need to be made.

Work on it Everyday

This was mentioned before, but I want to focus on it again. It is absolutely, incredibly, without a doubt, the most important thing of all these steps.

No matter the dream, goal or focus, daily work has to be apart of the process. If you are not actively pursuing your dream every single day, then it probably will not happen.

In order to keep myself on track, I have a daily check list. The check list has all the actions or items I have to finish everyday to work toward my goals. Sometimes I stay up till 2am, 3am, or even later just making sure it gets done. If you are not completing your checklist everyday, then you will not see the results you want. You might not even achieve your dreams.

To prevent this, and to give yourself the best opportunity for success, keep the checklist short. It is more important to be morally strong, confident and determined then to get beat down everyday from not completing your checklist. For those reasons, keep it short and sweet and make sure it covers the necessary bases for your long-term success.

Building the Life You Want

Thanks for reading my post on how to create the life you want. Make sure to share it if you enjoyed, and have a blessed day.

Cheers

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Find Your Talents – What Are You Good At?

There are a million and one things that you could possibly do in your life time work wise.

Think about it, just about every single thing around you was made by someone. From your desk, to your keyboard, to the website your reading this post on, it was all made by someone.

You can practically create or do anything in the world you see or imagine. With a never ending list of options, it can be extremely hard to pick just one thing to focus on. I mean how could you possibly pick only ONE thing to work on the rest of your life?

How can people expect students or even people in the work force to perform just one task repetitively for years without giving them a avenue to expand, to grow.

It is quite crazy because – that is how a majority of people live today. They preform one task over and over again for 30 years without ever pushing to develop an array of talents instead of just one.

Finding Your Talents

That is why, I never tell anyone to focus on just one thing. It is silly to simply put all of your eggs in one basket and bet it all on the success of one skill or trade. You can never predict the future, and there is absolutely no way to know if you would not be better at something else.

That is why, it is always wise to try multiple things in your life.

Really, you should try multiple things yearly. I would say just about every year I try several new things.

I did that from the age of 19 until about 25, and now I have a handful of talents that I can choose from.

Along the way, I chose a few of those talents to expand upon. These talents I am constantly diving deeper into to seek their potential limits. I want to figure out how far they could actually take me.

One of which is clearly blogging! It was only a year and a half ago that I took up the habit. Since then, I have established several successful blogs, and developed a slew of ideas to further progress the nature of web platforms. The entire process is a never ending circle of learning skills and developing traits to better myself and my future.

I suggest that every person does the same. It takes 5 to 10 years to fully get used to a certain skill set, and even longer to master one. Although, if you spend the first 3 to 5 years searching for your talent by trying a ton of different skills and experimenting, you could have a whole list of skills to expand upon and build upon.

Skills Build Upon Each Other

You see, the more you experience the further the dots connect. Lets think about it for a minute.

To use as an example, lets take building successful blog!

In order to build a successful blog, what skills are required?

Well, for starters you probably need some experience about a topic to write about. So, it takes some sort of experience or knowledge about a specific topic to start a blog.

That or you will end up doing a ton of research and the blog will turn into work extremely fast. No one likes that.

Next, you probably need to be able to write in a format that not only properly conveys your point, but that also ranks well for SEO.

You see, content on the web needs to be concise and easily digestible. If you can not effectively communicate your ideas to the audience, you are wasting your time. In addition, your content needs to be what is called SEO friendly.

SEO is search engine optimization. it is something I had to learn about to further my blogs Google presence. Every single thing I write on my blogs is reviewed by Google bots and then categorized based on the clarity of the writing, style, and the content it contains.

Blogging takes multiple skills that I had to develop, and that I am still developing.

Not to mention, the most obvious next skill I had to learn was building websites.

Let me just say, I am not adapt in technology, nor am I a natural with computers.

It was extremely hard for me to learn the different platforms you need to build a stunning site, and about the industry as a whole in order to maximize my impact.

Pick Skills That Compliment Each Other

As you can see, as I picked one skill off my list of talents, writing, I had to pick other skills that would complement it to build an effective blog.

After a while you start to see the big picture of things. Not only do you need to figure out what you are good at talent wise, but you need to figure out how certain skills will build off each other.

For example, you might be a stunning artist. You might be able to create masterpieces by painting and sealing wooden sculptures, but you have a problem. You lacking the proper material to service some clients. Lets say custom wood pieces would be the material you need. I know this is random, but there is a simple solution.

Learn to carve your own custom pieces! Clearly painting and sealing pieces will never be enough to sustain that market, you have to adapt and learn a skill to compliment your ability.

Taking wood shop classes and learning the different types of wood, the strength of each kind, and the tools necessary to build what you want will expand your possibilities. Those two talents would go hand in hand giving you limitless potential to your real talent of painting.

The first idea in picking your talents is to unhinge your limitations.

Another clear example would be for photographers. Lets say you take amazing photos, but never publish or post them across social media.

Well, you might want to take some marketing classes and learn to build effective portfolios online. Simple, clear and effective to take your craft to the next level.

Build a Portfolio of Talents

Thanks for reading my short post on Finding Your Talents. Please do not forget that there are millions of possibilities in this world for people to try. Everyday you could attempt a new talent if you really wanted to.

Set your sights on spending a few years experimenting. Fail at things, succeed at a few, and learn most importantly. No one in this world will be good at everything naturally, but everyone in this world can learn to be good at anything over time.

Find your natural talents, and build upon them with other skills you develop over the years.

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Dealing with the Rainy Days of Life – Mental Triggers

When going through life, there are always times where it ends up seeming pointless.

We can reach these moments which feel like brick walls. Sadly, sometimes we get these feelings quickly after being highly motivated and pushing our self to new heights. Because, after a while the momentum starts to die down.

These are what I like to call – the rainy days.

Those days when sleep is more attractive then another hour working at your craft. Those days when Netflix is just a click away to help you escape the lack of enthusiasm.

These are the days when we search for motivation in our soul and come up empty handed, so we turn to searching Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Youtube for anything to draw us away. We ultimately end up finding nothing but solitude.

These are the rainy days of life.

Not Everyday Is Exciting

It’s not glorious or what everyone wants to hear but not everyday can be exciting.

There, I said it. Not everyday for anyone is exciting. No matter how rich, famous, powerful, or determined, there is just a limited amount of things in this world that will spark our soul, ignite our curiosity.

There’s a limited amount of things in this world for a reason though. It is because that feeling of “inner fire” and drive is supposed to be a natural reaction to certain situations. Those feels are a prescribed human conditions that we try to control.

It is a feeling that we long for, push for, and end up abusing substances for. That high, that affinity of life. Can you feel it?

It’s better than a million dollars, it’s better than winning an award, it’s better than anything in this world that you can physically obtain. That feel is a blessing, and sadly, it is also a curse.

So much so that the lack of that feeling drives people into what we call depressions.

What is Depression

When someone is going through depression, they are really living without a inner fire.

They are living without that inner motivational fire that only exists with those who believe in themselves.

You see depression has an easy definition – It’s ones acceptance of giving up.

It’s not ones acceptance of giving up on life or a job or a relationship, it is definitively the act of giving up on one’s self.

You probably didn’t realize it, but right now if you are happy, driven, or even just content then a part of you believes in yourself. You believe in your actions, your intentions, your mental state, and most importantly you believe in your life. Your life has meaning.

Depressed people do not feel that their life has meaning anymore. They fundamentally lack the ability to believe in their selves.

Every super villain knows what the best way to conquer a country or a population is. The best way to conquer is to remove – what from the population?

The best way is to remove their hope and belief in them selves.

Once you do that, you have won. There is no coming back after someone truly loses to their inner being. Once you lose your inner fight, the world doesn’t have to keep hitting you. You’ll do that yourself.

Even better, the Devil can retire! His work here is done he says. His mark is placed,

and you are no longer in his way. Most of the time the Devil doesn’t want you to do anything bad in life, he just wants you to give up…

He wants you to give up and…

stop trying to help the world, you’re not good enough.

Stop trying to love people, they don’t like you.

Don’t fight for your well being, just let people walk over you and take it.

Find Your Triggers

You see, the Devil knows better.

He doesn’t need to beat you, he wants you to beat yourself. It is the ultimate victory.

That is why you need to be able to climb out of the depths of your inner recesses. If your mind slips into this state of desolate isolation of your own self, then you need to know how to get out.

But how?

How do you fight when you’re own hands are against you? How do you try and run your feet won’t move.

That is where somethings greater than our capabilities come in. That is where our inner mental triggers need to be primed.

A very easy trick to use, and I suggest using it, is to find your triggers. The things above all else that will reset you.

For some people, these might be repetitive actions they do everyday to get their mind right. Similar to doing yoga or meditating. Others might have a prayer they recite, while others might blare a song that reminds them of who they are and why they’re there.

We’re not alone. You’re not alone. Use your resources, use the people around you, find your triggers to bring your mind into it’s present state of here and now, AND THERE you make your stand. Use your triggers to fight your inner doubts, use them to battle your demons, and use them to escape your own mental undoing.

What Are Mental Triggers

You might think this is silly.

What a joke right? – How could a song or a phrase, or an action reset my mind into a present state?

I’ll give you two examples. One from a famous author/speaker, and another from my personal journey as an elite gymnast.

First from the speaker.

3…2…1.. Lift Off

This speaker was a lady that had struggled all of her life to do just about anything with it. She had cheated on her husband and caused her divorce, been laid off several times, and failed several start ups. At this point in her life, she was depressed beyond a measure of doubt.

She was so depressed that she could not even get out of bed anymore in the mornings. It got so bad, she would just plan to stay in bed and tried to work out of bed instead of leaving it.

Finally, she said enough as she cried out in prayer clawing anything to help her. I will find my mental trigger to get out of bed whatever it is, whatever it takes.

One day as she woke up, she paused. She breathed slowly and closed her eyes.

She started to count out loud.

10………………………….

9………………………

8…………………

7…………….

6…………

5………

4……

3…

2..

1.

“Lift off”, she said.

At once she rose up as quickly as possible pretending she herself was a spaceship taking off from Earth. Fighting the forces of gravity, the atmosphere, being propelled through space and sky, through her depression, through her doubts.

Something about putting herself in another situation all together allowed her to execute the most difficult task in her life at the time – getting out of bed.

She found her mental trigger. She still does this to this day to get out of bed every morning. The woman is now a successful person that goes around the world preaching and teaching about the goodness of God and life.

3, 2, 1, lift off.

Personal Mental Blocks

In my own journey, I was faced with extreme mental blocks in my sport of gymnastics. There was never a day in the gym when this was not a problem for me.

These mental blocks would drive me absolutely crazy, keep me from performing certain skills, and ultimately held me back from accomplishing my full potential. There were many days I went home crying because I felt I could not overcome these fears.

Nevertheless, there was a time when I figured my own mental triggers to enabled myself to overcome these blocks.

My Mental Trigger

Ironically, in a competition the gloves came off. Never in my life did I step back from a competition, and when that hand raised to step onto the floor, the fears were no where to be found. It was game time.

It was a gift really, the art of competing near my full potential regardless of the the fears that held me back in practice. The problem was, I was never getting the proper amount of training to push my abilities further because practice was terrible. Even so, I was one of the top gymnasts in my state with hardly ever trained most of my skills.

it one day became too much for me to handle. I wanted to push to the next level. I needed a mental trigger to overcome these fears.

Luckily, I found it.

Compete Everyday

From reflecting on my situation I realized that if I would not practice my skills – then I needed everyday to be a competition.

Stupid as it sounds, it worked.

Instead of doing just a few skills in practice to train things in sections or parts, I would do full routines every single day – nearly non stop.

I would treat them as if I was stepping onto the floor in front of a thousand people, raising my hand to a real judge, and putting my mind set in the place of what took me to my next level – game time.

Shortly after figuring this out and executing it daily in the gym, I went from a top gymnast in my state to one of the top in the nation for a while.

Using a simple, and honestly stupid, mental trigger changed my entire career for a while. It changed my life and my understanding of how the mind really works. Sometimes, we need mental triggers to overcome mental barriers. We need the things that force us into a present state of mind, game time.

Use This Skill To Overcome Mental Barriers

This skill is ultimately invaluable.

Imagine being able to work every single day at your peak. Imagine being able to overcome your greatest fears, not once, but daily. This is the power of using a mental trigger effectively. Mental triggers can change everything.

No one’s triggers are the same though. You have to know yourself well enough and try enough things, to find what really works for you. It could be something as simple as counting down from 10 every morning.

You never know until you try.

Go find your mental triggers. Go take back the world that is yours to conquer. And go overcome your mental barriers preventing you from happiness, success, and the life you want.

Tell the Devil he can suck it while you’re at it. This is your life.

3..2..1.. lift off.

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Living in a 21st Century Bubble

Recently, I got back from a snowboarding trip with an awesome group of people. This trip was great because I was able to completely shut out the outside world and focus on the here and now.

The moments in front of me were at that time very stressful, but snowboarding game me an extremely enthralling experience.

It was my first time snowboarding, so every moment seemed like do or die. Since I quit my sport of gymnastics when I was 20, I never have been so physically challenged until this trip. Snowboarding brought back those feelings of pure joy and excitement that only physical challenges can.

We can ignore the fact that my group of ten people receive two concussions, one Hematoma rupture, spranged wrists, and ended as a lot of butt hurt individuals, from the snow of course. I am fairly sure we looked like we put purple and black paint all over our bodies by the time we were finished that weekend. To me, there was no better feeling.

21st Century Bubble

I wanted to start with that brief story for a couple of reasons. One, you need to go snowboarding if you never have. And two, I constantly forget how amazing and incredible this world is.

Let me explain.

From 2012 to 2018, I had no social media. Facebook had become so annoying and boring to me in 2012, I decided enough was enough.

My choice was to live life simply without distractions.

Although In mid-2018, the thought of running my own business crept into my mind. This forced me to change some habits. Social media is a necessity for any business.

Over a year later, I have the same feelings from 2012 creeping up on me, social media is a distraction. More so, it distorts the reality we live in. It changes our perspectives, distracts us from living full lives, and puts us in what I am calling, the 21st Century Bubble.

Seriously though, it is bad. Being an observant person, there are times when I will pick up my phone and instinctively click the Facebook or Instagram app with absolutely no purpose or intention. How is this possible?

Social Media Breathing

It is almost as if my body knows it needs to blink, drink water, breathe oxygen, and open Instagram to make sure nothing has changed in the past 2 hours.

My question was:

How is this possible? Why does my body search for distractions and want to be entertained constantly?

Funny enough, entrepreneur and social media guru, Gary Vee, has something to say about this.

He says:

Social media does not change you, it only brings to light what insecurities or problems you already had in your psyche. For example, if you are insecure about your weight, you may look at fit people and feel poorly about yourself, but if you are comfortable in your own skin and where you are in life, nothing should bother or effect you no matter what comes up on your feed.

-Gary Vee

Obviously, I am paraphrasing, but this is the gist of what he means. Social media brings out our insecurities in ways it never has before.

Social Influence

Gary is a wise man, and has a great following to support this claim. He is constantly opening up to people and trying to bridge the gap between just talking about doing something and doing something.

Although, what does this answer about social media mean about myself? Let’s dig into my brain a bit.

Several years ago when I had no social media, my ex-girlfriend would open up hers in front of me all the time. I remember her being consumed with it.

I remember her feeling judged because of some girls perfect body or a “couple goals” photo pretending life was perfect. We all know that these things are not real, but it effected her.

It took me a long time to figure out why. Why did she feel lesser because of an Instagram post?

My Social Experience

Let’s fast forward to December 2019. At this point, I have been using social media apps for over a year. There is an instinctive impulse to open social apps, and I have started to become more active and involved on each platform.

To be honest, I do not feel insecure about viewing anyone’s perfect physical appearance, crazy travel photos, or reading about someone’s drastic political views. Cool story bro.

The things that do make me feel insecure or insignificant is watching some 15 year old amass millions of followers. Although, I think this is a decently healthy response to what seems to be a new age phenomenon.

I might get slightly jealous, but In reality, those kids with millions of followers have probably worked their butt off obtaining them. Yea, there were many people that get lucky and go viral or teamed up with a popular person, but in general they spend every moment of their day brain storming, planning out videos, or thinking of ways to be creative and funny. It is their job essentially.

On top of that, they have to figure out a way to effectively monetize this following before it basically disappears. Not as easy as it looks I am sure given the percentage of people that purchase things from social media influencers or ads is way under one percent. Try more like 0.01%.

That means for every 1,000 people your post reaches, you might get 1 person to click on your affiliate link or even approach the idea of buying some merchandise. Those odds are not great, and they even diminish on different platforms where you can not even post affiliate links like Tik Toc. Good luck making money off of your dances.

Social Media Influencer

Thanks for letting me rant on all of that, but as you can see, becoming a social media influencer is difficult, and not always profitable.

As Gary Vee says, you can not just have hustle or smarts or dedication, or a proper business model and expect to be successful. These are just independent pieces of the complete puzzle. You have to have all of these characteristics of an entrepreneur to be successful. If you only have a few of them, you will still fail.

25 Year Old Insecurities

Given all of this thought, I believe my insecurities seem pretty reasonable. I am jealous of opportunities others have, but in a healthy way. I know the work it took to get there, and I respect them for it. Part of me wishes I had more patience and diligence to do the same.

My folks raised me well enough not to understand hard work is necessary to succeed and not to be encapsulated by the 21st Century Bubble. It helps me see past the allure of fame and wealth while understanding money is very important to achieve certain goals in life.

One thing I struggle with most of all that ties me close to the bubble, is the fear of being unaccomplished. Living in the U.S and living in the 21st century, there is a great amount of pressure on us millennials to become success stories.

It is almost as if the American dream of getting a good job, providing for your family, and contributing to society are looked down upon. They are now the minimum for our generation in the eyes of so many.

It seems like if you’re not a doctor, lawyer, or scientist, you damn as well better be some entrepreneur traveling the world and living the good life. Even girls I have dated seem to think money grows on trees and they deserve to lay on the beach all day and never work. Almost as if money grows on tress and the world bows at their command.

The reality of the harsh world we live in seems to be eclipsed by the 21st Century Bubble for some people.

Hard Work and Humility

There is no better cure for a distorted perspective than hard work and humility. Throughout my early life, I was burdened with being overconfident in myself and it hindered my ability to succeed.

The 21st Century Bubble was my home from the ages 13 to probably 19. After those ages, I quickly learned both aspects of hard work and humility. First in the Air Force, and then second through certain life choices. God opened my eyes to greener pastures by walking with my head down so that he could guide my feet.

Every now and then, I still have to remind myself, hard work is the only thing that matters. It does not matter if you have all the money in the world, or none of it.

If you are not working hard then what can God do with you?

You can not buy his favor, and if you do not do the most with what you have now, then he will not bless you with more later on. I truly believe this.

Therefore, if you are struggling with the 21st Century Bubble and comparing yourself to social standards, then work.

Work till you are too tired to impulsively click that phone app. Work until you don’t have enough energy to even worry about someone’s Instagram story.

If you do this long enough, success will find you and before you know it, people will be looking to you asking how you did it.

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How I Became Addicted to Video Games

Most of us have had the experience by now of playing some sort of game rather on our phones or on the PC or it could even be on a gaming console like Xbox or Play Station. We start these harmless cute looking games and quickly realize, this is really fun.

After a while, the game almost seems to suck you further in without you even realizing it. Before you know it, you are slightly addicted to the game and you do not even know why.

This post is going to have a similar theme and tell the story of how I became addicted to video games.

Spring Break 2013

Picture this, I was on the gymnastics team at the Air Force Academy and it was Spring Break.

All of the other students had left the college except for mostly the athletes. Our team had decided to rent some houses on base in order to “get away” from the dorms. In reality, we were only 2 minutes away, but it was still nice.

My brother happened to be at the same college and on the same team as me, so we decided to share a house together. There were many reasons for this, but to keep it simple, the rest of the team was quite rowdy. To their defense, Spring break is a time to have fun and cut loose, and it was very hard to do on a military base with so many restrictions. Regardless, they found ways to entertain themselves that we did no want to be apart of.

Starting League of Legends

My brother at this time had started playing a game that was still fairly new. It was called League of Legends.

The game honestly looked pretty dumb at first glance. Although, after he begged me several times to play “one game” with him, I conceded.

Sounds like drugs right? Just do it once man, you’ll be alright. Goodness if I knew what that one game would do to me.

Trying League of Legends

Little did I know, this game was an up and coming phenomenon. Although when we played, it was still in its infancy. The game had just concluded its second season and was ramping up to make some changes like it did after every season.

I remember soon after I joined the game the champion Lissandra was released. Prior to that champion it was this green blob champion named Zac.

It was fair to say, we got into the game decently early compared to most people, but I was clueless starting off. My first game I chose a champion and just ran down a lane killing myself over and over, because I had no idea what I was doing.

After a few more games and learning a lot about item customization, I quickly got my footing and started winning. A little secret about me is that I am very competitive, and I love games with quick reaction time skills. Therefore, League and I hit it off quickly.

Ignoring Homework For Gaming

Fast forward a year or two, I had left the academy to go train gymnastics back home. I was enrolled in a community school during the day to finish some core classes as well.

During the day I would go to school, work at the gym, and then train 2 to 3 hours after work. Afterward, I would head home and get on League to destroy some noobs. Quickly I realized that gaming was more enjoyable than anything else in my life.

Soon, homework become secondary to “one more game” and training seemed to be less and less important. Not only did I fall in love with the game, but I developed a strong community of players and people to challenge myself with. The gaming lifestyle had slowly crept its way into my life.

Little did I realize, this was League of Legends’ goal all along.

Addicted to League of Legends

You see, the purpose of games like this is to get you addicted.

As I got better at the game and I climbed in ranking the more time was needed to invest into the game to improve. Constantly, I had to spend additional time on the game to rank up. This is because the game was consistently being updated and patched to balance out new champions, items and strategies. Right when you think the game is balanced, some Korean comes up with a boosting strategy that breaks the game because of some weird mechanic.

It took me some time, but eventually there was a moment were the addiction became apparent. There were two options in my brain.

  • Option one: Take the game seriously and try to make money off of it streaming and becoming a higher rank.
  • Option two: quit the game and break my keyboard and mouse so I could not play even if I wanted to.

These may seem extreme, but that is pretty much how my brain works. Sadly, I chose the first option.

Competing in League of Legends

I first decided to try and take the game seriously. In season 5 my account was diamond 2 as a jungle and top main, but I wanted to do more than just stream every evening. Therefore, I started my own team.

During this period, I had switched to Georgia State in order to continue on with school. There I met a guy named Gene who ran the gaming club for the school.

After a short conversation, he agreed to shout out on all of the channels for any upper ranked players at the school to try out for the new League of Legends team.

This was perfect. Quickly I had amassed a decent team of players for all positions. We had several tournaments lined up to play in as well in the coming months.

Coaching League of Legends Team

The main problem with the team was, most of the other players were freshman and sophomores. They were a little awkward and really had no experience on being on any kind of team. From that, there were tons of problems like getting to practice on time, communication, and effort levels.

Soon after getting the team together, I had to do some reorganization efforts and show them I was serious. Two players quickly got kicked off of the team and replaced with lower ranked players, because I would rather have effort over laziness.

I was confident in my ability to train players on the game, but I needed them to listen and work.

Being a coach and being a player was hard as well, because it disrupts the balance between players, so we realized we needed a stand alone coach or someone to replace myself on the field.

Quitting League of Legends

While tit may sound like things were going the right way, there was a problem with my internet at home. Constantly, the internet would drop out on important games or disrupt practice. On top of that, the uploading limits for my internet were being tapped out in a week or two that were set for the entire month due to crappy Comcast. Streaming was getting expensive due to this.

The team was preforming well, but after a silly lose during the NCAA’s, I felt it was not going the way I desired. Therefore, these problems led me to wanting to pull back from this dream and pursue a real career. Funny enough, when you take game too seriously, they no long become enjoyable. I had lost my love for the game.

Gaming Accomplishments

While this may seem silly, I still felt accomplished. I achieved becoming one of the top ranked players in my region at one point, started a college team which is now sponsored by Riot, pays a real coach to run the team, and gives actual scholarships to some players, and I had fun while doing all of this.

Not many people can say they started an Esports team that gave someone a job and many students scholarships to go to school. Not many people can say they got to play with famous world renown League players and streamers on the daily while ranking up. It was a fun experience, but after all of the work I had little to really show for it.

The game had wasted tons of my time and practically several years of my life. Now, I was not stupid during this time. I also graduated college and kept a healthy relationship with a girl during this time which helped as well.

At the same time, I had been working at a local steak house to make some money while looking for a real job after graduation.

I even managed to pass two actuarial exams after all of this, which most people thought was only do able by the smartest of people. Clearly, they do not understand how dedicated and determined I get when difficult things get in my way.

Fighting my Addiction

Although this sounds like a victory so to speak, it was hard to quit. It took months of me trying to completely remove the game from my life.

If there was a weak moment where I would play even one game, the game would quickly draw me back in for a few weeks. It was bad.

These games are designed to consume you, to take all of your time. They are designed to get you addicted to the victory, to the challenges, to the community.

Remember this before you start any online, never ending game. They are designed like a drug, to get you high. Maybe not in the sense that you are used to. The “high” comes from the competition. It comes from ranking up, and it comes from finding friends like you who want to become better.

The little rewards you get from achieving a new rank, or winning a long drawn out game make it all seem worth it. Even the defeats you suffer from stupid mistakes make you realize you have room to improve. It is funny how even losing can make you want to play more.

Looking Back on Gaming

From where I am now, I see others making the same mistakes from gaming too much.

Gaming can be addictive. Playing games all day can ruin relationships, and the problem is that no one is talking about it.

If you are a gamer or if you enjoy gaming, please realize this, it is only a game. The chances of you ever making a career or becoming pro is literally a million to one. Keep things in perspective and never neglect your life over a game. It is not worth it.

I was lucky. Throughout the entire process, there was no doubt in my mind that I needed a back up plan. A real career that would pay well and get me anywhere in life. That carried through when gaming failed.

Still, there are millions of people out there gaming their lives away in hopes of making it big someday. More often than not, those people will end up wasting 5 to 15 years of their life on this silly dream. In the same amount of time, those people could have built entire companies, progressed to a successful point in a career, or simply made a huge difference in the world.

Gaming is a drug. if used in proper doses, it can help people relax. When abused, it can ruin lives, relationships and futures. Game responsibly.

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Being an Actuary in Atlanta

If you do not live in Atlanta, then why are you reading this blog? Just kidding, you’re more than welcome to stay, but really Atlanta is an amazing place to work.

Working in Atlanta

When applying for jobs in Atlanta, there are tons of options and opportunities, but some how many of my friends still struggle to find a good one.

That sadly was me as well starting my senior year of college. I had finally achieved all of the accolades I needed for my job, but I had difficulty finding the right one.

Specifically, my desired career was to become an actuary. Luckily, after 9 months of interviews and testing the waters on different paths, I found a internships that is now my job today! Although, most of you probably have no idea what that career is.

What is an Actuary

Let’s take a step back then and discuss:

What is an actuary?

To be honest, that is similar to asking:

What is a Doctor?

Right? Because how would you even answer that question. Well, a doctor…uhh heals people? No not exactly, a doctor diagnoses patients, reviews x-rays, preforms surgeries occasionally, does research, basically anything in the hospital a doctor either does or has done probably.

In short, that is kind of an actuary. We do not do ONE thing, but instead we have a set of skills that allows us to be flexible. The simplest definition of an actuary I have heard came from my co-worker, Ian. Therefore, here is Ian’s definition of what an actuary is:

Actuaries put a present numerical value on future uncertainties based on the past.

That seems simple enough right? You would think so, but like being a doctor, there are a million of things that the word “uncertainties” could compose.

Actuarial Practices

In unison, there are certain actuarial practices or principles that actuaries must adhere to. These are mostly communicated, learned, and demonstrated through a series of exams that every credentialed actuary must pass.

Some countries are different, but for the U.S., there are two main organizations to take exams from, and each one is basically for a different path.

Health, Life, and Pension Actuaries

These branches of the actuarial profession will typically take exams from the Society of Actuaries or SOA for short. The SOA is notorious for giving extremely hard exams, changing up the credential path, and sending you too many emails.

Each of the paths are very large in the actuarial field, and you can make plenty of money doing them. With the exception of pension, health and life are thriving markets that anyone should be able to easily find a job in, given you have passed the first two basic exams, P and FM.

P&C Actuaries

P&C which stands for property and casualty actuaries, are basically everything else. This is my field and as an actuarial consultant, I work mainly with workers compensation, general liability and auto liability reserving. Super exciting right?

P&C actuaries will almost always go through the Casualty Actuarial Society or CAS for short. These guys, oh these guys, really really love to give hard exams. Historically, these exams will have one to two bad questions on the exam that need to be thrown out, not enough detail, poor wording, or just an extreme level of side page of the book small font information that you need to know.

The CAS should in all honesty rework their testing strategy. Because, from experience, many questions are just a poor reflection of your knowledge level. For those reasons, I would say the CAS exams are harder than the SOA exams, but not for good reasons if that makes sense.

Why did I Become an Actuary

At this point, you are probably wondering:

Geese, why did you become an actuary?

You are also probably still wondering, what an actuary is, but hey that’s not my fault. I tried.

Back to the above question, here is why.

After finishing up part of my political science degree, I decided to give up my sport dream of the Olympics and chase a career. After that, I had no idea what to do. I did however have a talent for math.

After a short, random, God inspired talk with a woman in Starbucks one day, I learned about Actuarial Science. Ironically, the lady I met was an actuary studying for exams.

After googling how much money they make and how difficult it is to become one, I was sold. I was determined to become an actuary.

Little tid-bit about me, I love a challenge. Life is not entertaining if your not sure if your going to sink are swim every moment. I live by the sweat of my brow and late 3 am nights just because, why not?

Actuary Life

At this point in the story, you could be curious of:

Was it worth it to become an Actuary?

Either that or your bored to tears and probably should go to bed and get off the internet.

Anyways, the short answer is yes. here is why.

In the process of becoming an actuary, I learned a few traits that I basically ignored my entire life. One of those traits was studying long-term for something.

In high school and yes, even in college, I never had to study. I was cool with the B or C grade and let me go. I knew what my mission was, and a letter grade really did not matter to me.

Due to that, I never learned that desperately needed skill to become an actuary, studying.

Therefore, the challenge was already entertaining to me. On top of that, there was also a plethora of other people that I would consider as smarter than myself that had tried to become an actuary and failed. I even learned that the previous salutatorian of my high school had tried and failed to become an actuary.

You can guess what happened after I learned that. I became an actuary for _____ and giggles.

Overcoming Career Challenges

If you’ve read this far, I am sorry for the lack of sleep you will probably get tonight, but thank you. If there was one thing I learned that I could pass on from my process (unfinished process) is:

You mustn’t quit.

Failure is inevitable, and apart of the process. There will be many many days of frustration and doubting, but you mustn’t quit. Failure is only the beginning of success. It’s apart of the process of becoming the person you ultimately know you can become. Even if no one else around you can see it.

As long as you can visualize it, you can achieve it. Now, go to bed and get up tomorrow to attack the day. Success is just around the corner… after sleep.

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Finding Peace in a Coffee Cup

Daily it seems I am able to find peace and joy in the smallest things. A warm cup of coffee, some light rain coming down across the skyline, a friendly text asking how I am doing, or even by bringing donuts into the office to make everyone else smile. Although, it is not always easy. This is part of my recent journey for 2019 on finding peace and joy.

Finding Peace and Joy

Peace and joy to me go hand and hand for my mindset, but there are times when they both elude me. Personally, I can not maintain or sustain one without the other. They are the Ying and Yang to my inner self.

For those foreign to my past and current life, I had plenty of challenges to over come in 2019. There were many darker times this year where I found myself feeling empty, emotionless, and without a proper direction to point myself.

This is not a normal feeling for me since I am a driven person naturally. There’s been very few times in my life where I feel out of place or without a purpose. 2019 was basically a full year of off and on feelings which was new to me.

One minute I could feel invincible and the other feel like turning into a shadow and dissolving into the depths of the unknown. At times I want to disappear, but I knew that would not suit me for long.

My goals are too lofty to be kept hidden, and I feel my passion is too great to be ignored. I had to find my peace and joy and regain my strut.

Peace in the Storm

To start, I had to find peace where I was, not where I wanted to be. Although the worst had come to past, there was still a date that needed to be crossed. A final tie of trust and bond that had to be broken. It had to be crossed.

This date for myself, was my former wedding day. October 12, 2019 seemed to be the day of ultimate ending to the tragedy and tv show that become my life earlier this year.

Thankfully, my family and friends never left my side throughout every moment of despair and discomfort. All the way up until that fateful day, my support group, my trusted advisers, my inner circle was beside me.

Flush the Poison

Fortunately, that day my mother begged me to take her to a concert happening at the FOX theater downtown Atlanta. That concert was none other than the King and Country special, Burn the Ships. The theme was ironically perfect for not only myself, but I am sure many others within the concert hall.

The theme was centered around a wife of one of the brothers who years ago had become addicted to pills while they were on tour with their band. Immediately, the brother knew he had to return home to help his wife face these demons.

After months of therapy, loving care, and support from those who loved her, the wife overcame the addiction and decided it was time, time to flush the pills. Symbolically, she flushed each pill to rid herself of the urges and cancer that destroyed her family and personal life. She flushed the poison.

Burn the Ships

The tour’s theme of “Burn the Ships” arose from the treatments the wife was taking. During the process, one of the brothers heard a story that was used to exhibit the need for people to let go and move forward from things.

The Captain

In the story, a captain takes several ships of men on a quest to discover a new world. Excited and eager to start the journey, the men take off quickly saying goodbye to friends and family alike. The journey was a treacherous one which entailed several weeks at sea.

Eventually, the ships broke through low hanging clouds to a scenic view of the shore with mountainous hills and valleys looming in front of them as they surveyed the extent of the land from afar. The scene was something they had never witnessed, and the apprehension of the feat started to sink in.

Quickly upon landing and unloading, the crew started to whisper or fear and uncertainty on continuing the journey, knowing they might never again return to those they love. After days of this the captain knew something had to be done.

The next morning, the Captain gathered all of the men along the beach and gave the signal for the lieutenants to burn the ships, their only means of returning home at the time.

During the spectacle, the Captain addresses the crew, “The only way back to the ones you love, the ones you care about, and the ones you miss, is forward. Your future is ahead of you, not behind you. Have no fear, be steadfast in your resolve, and have faith. Your future is ahead of you.”

Finding Peace in a Theater

This night at the FOX and listening to the stories helped me put certain things into perspective. If not consciously, then definitely subconsciously. My soul was continually longing for that place of home, that affirmation of love, and the feelings it once felt.

The only way back was to go forward. My future was ahead of me.

Slowly, my anger turned to drive, my uncertainty turned to hope, and my feet moved with purpose. Throughout my entire life, I would have always characterized myself with the confident, driven nature of a leader, but sometimes there are periods where life puts you where you don’t belong. It is our job to tell life, hey that’s not my home and I will not stay. My future is ahead of me.

Although this is easy to write, the process is long, and time is not the sole healer of all wounds. People spend their entire life regretting things and asking, what if? Healing and progress are up to the person responsible for such things, myself.

No longer could I wait for God to fix my problems, he gave me legs to walk for a reason. Therefore, peace comes not from standing still and allowing the wind and tide to over come you, or waiting for the low tide so you can hopefully breathe again. Peace comes from stepping out of where you don’t belong. Peace comes from building a boat and overcoming those waves and using the blistering wind to chart your path.

You see, the trials are there to push us. Not to stop us. The wind and waves are your friend. Although they may seem mountainous and impassable, with the right attitude you will find they were never that big to begin with.

Our mind has a way of playing games with us. We are more capable of anything we can even imagine. All we have to do is walk.

Joyful Noise

While I spent most of this time talking about peace, Joy is the by product of your attitude and view on life. I have always been a joyful person, and no I do not mean only happy. Yes, I am by nature a happy person relative to others, but it is more than that.

I have faced some incredibly hard things in my life already, and I am only 25. Regardless of the failures, health debacles, lost lovers, and struggles, I always always keep my head up. Never have I ever turned on my beliefs, and never have I ever changed my mind set. I know my capabilities and my potential; therefore, I will not waver in the face or trials or turbulence.

My joy keeps me from giving up. My joy gives me the spark to keep warm in the coldest of nights when there is no logical hope or reasoning. Joy is a mindset. Joy is a view on life and an indestructible affirmation of my purpose and dedication to my goals.

Therefore, sometimes I love to make a joyful noise. Shout to God or simply yell in the car and cry sometimes because I know that God can hear. Yes, joyful noises can be driven from anger and sadness. God wants to hear the bad and the good. Why be fake with the one who made you, he already knows.

Peace, Joy and Ships

Through the trials, tear filled moments, and long deep breathes, I found my peace, and I found my joy. They were with me all along. Likewise, my friends and family were right there with me all along. My future is ahead of me.

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10 Tips For Long Distance Relationships

Guys and gals, this is going to be a long one. So, grab some coffee or tea and snuggle up. Here goes my 10 tips for long distance relationships.

The Beginning

Going into any relationship can be hard, and starting off, you want to spend every waking moment with that person. You want to get to know everything about them: what makes that person tick, what their dreams are, who they really are behind the scenes, and ultimately, if that person is the one for you.

All of these questions slowly get answered, and if you’re lucky, you start to love that person. Although, certain factors can make any relationship challenging. The one factor that I had to deal with for almost 5 years was long distance.

Not super long distance, like another country, but she was about 3 hours away. Given that I was a broke college student, and she did not work, this made things challenging. I worked in a steak house and made decent money, but I only worked a few nights a week. I remember occasionally driving up to see her with just enough money for gas and dinner with a hope she would not want to go shopping at some point.

Through the good and the bad times, the prosperous and the poor, and the happy and the sad times, here are my top 10 Tips For Long Distance Relationships and to show your partner how much you genuinely care.

Start Off Strong

My first tip to those of you who are venturing down the path of long distance love is to start off strong. This might seem simple and intuitive, but there are some tricks to make a somewhat arduous situation go smoothly. With my long distance relationship, by our second date, it was clear there was a clear connection between us. We had only been talking for a few weeks and already sparks were flying. We even had cute nicknames for each other, we were snails.

In the beginning, I made sure to do a few things that helped establish a good basis. The first thing I did was to bring her a gift that meant a lot to me and that would mean a lot to her! This gift happened to be my favorite hoodie, which I actually sprayed with cologne! She actually slept with it every night for months and it helped with the distance in the beginning.

Another thing I did was show her who I truly was. I didn’t hold back! I let her know my goals and expectations for the relationship, and she did the same. This established some clear boundaries and expectations. The more you respect each other’s true desires and expectations, the stronger you will be as a couple.

Compliments Compliments Compliments

A great way to show your significant other you care is to constantly look for ways to build that person up.

Throughout the relationship, I always tried to tell her and show her how beautiful, smart, and talented she was. It’s not enough to do it once and expect that person to remember. You need to actively be searching for ways to inspire that person for greatness. Likewise, it’s equally important for your partner to do so as well.

Remember, you are their world. Slowly, every word you say to that person will help shape who they become and what they reflect. If you mistreat them, or forget to build them up, ultimately you will be doing that to yourself.

Be Vulnerable

Because you are long distance, your relationship depends heavily on trust and understanding. These virtues are best built through vulnerability, through servitude, honesty, and communication.

If you are not willing to be open and vulnerable with your person, and I mean completely, then it will never work. Long distance is a double edge sword. You have to constantly try, instead of just getting used to seeing that person everyday and spacing out over time. In long distance, you have to seek that person’s trust and confidence. You need to confide your fears, your doubts, and your wants to them. If you can do this, and that person can support you properly, and not abuse this vulnerable side of you, then you will have a beautiful connection with lasting love.

Phone Calls and Facetime

This is something a lot of people surprisingly struggle with. You can not be in a successful long distance relationship if you do not call the other person every day!

At one point, I checked how much time I spent on the phone during my long distance relationship. On average we daily spent almost an hour and a half talking! This was usually over Facetime at night. Sometimes, I would be working on my computer, so I would prop the phone up during Facetime to see her while she would do the same and watch Netflix. Honestly, some nights just seeing her every couple of minutes was a great feeling in-and-of itself. You do not always have to talk or entertain each other. Sometimes just the presence is enough.

Other nights we would spend time trying to have a deep conversations, figuring out a problem we were having, or planning a trip. Sometimes we would even just leave Facetime on all night just to feel like that person was close. It might sound silly, but even just hearing that other person’s breath, or even hearing them fall asleep at nigh,t can be all it takes to feel loved and connected through the hard times.

Surprise Dates

In our years of dating, there were times when things seemed to get a little… heated. Possibly, either someone had said something wrong or there was simply just stress that turned into conflict because … that’s life. These things are normal, and will happen in every relationship.

One of the things I loved to do was surprise her. We had gotten into disagreements, and several times I was right and several times she might have been. Regardless, each of us realized that the fighting was pointless in the grand scheme of things, and one of us would usually bend. In that, one of us would drop everything we had going on, and drive to the other person. Luckily, we never both did it and missed each other!

Usually when we did this, we would take the other person out to dinner, bring a small gift, or treat the other person with the utmost respect. The point was to show love even when the other person might not deserve it, when it means the most. True love is sacrificial. Sacrifice your pride, your fears, and your time, and you will find what true love is. Take that person on a surprise date when they least expect it, even in the heat of the battle.

Oh Hugs

My friends, do not ever underestimate the power of a hug. I could write a book about this, but there is never, nor will there be ever, anything as great as a hug from the one person you love more than anything in the world itself, especially after being apart for so long.

By far my fondest, and most well recapped memories, are hugs. I mean honestly, I am not joking when I say it is the best thing in the world; to see that person pulling up the driveway after weeks apart, after fights, after struggles, after fear sets in, and run up and hugging that person with your heart on your sleeve and tears in your eyes.

A hug can cure the deepest of wounds. A hug can mend a broken heart.

A hug can mean the world when it comes from the one that is your world.

Set Goals As A Couple

This is something we were especially bad at. We would usually set a goal to read every night or pray every night together. After a week or so, it seems we would get lazy and forget.

Personally, it seemed as though that responsibility would always fall on one person to make this happen. After awhile, that person would basically give up because they did not see the same effort from their counter part. Couple goals only work if both people work towards them. You can’t be half in a long-distance relationship. You can’t just say, “I don’t want to try.” You can not get lazy and expect things to change.

Laziness the the best way to kill a beautiful and flourishing relationship. One person can not hold up two people, no matter how strong they are. Eventually, the walls will come down.

So, make goals and stick to them! Keep each other accountable and push each other. That is what you are for! You are accountability partners as well as lovers.

Become Best Friends

One thing in my long distance relationship we constantly worked towards was becoming each other’s best friend.

Starting off, this was difficult for me since I already had plenty of good friends. I had an extremely strong support system of tight knit groups of people that loved and supported me. Unfortunately, she took that as more of a challenge than a benefit. She saw my friends as competition instead of the blessings that they are.

She might not have had the best approach, but overtime, we grew to become absolute best friends. This is largely the reason we lasted so long, I believe. Once you reach this point, you should wake up and go to sleep thinking about that person.

If something exciting happens in your life, they should be the first person you tell. If something horrible happens, they should be right by your side, no questions asked. I have to say, she was better at this than me,on average. This was partly due to the situations we were in, but there were times I was not and could not be there for her when I should have been. That is why I want you to read this very carefully, and make this second nature: nothing is as important in life as your partner. Don’t repeat my mistakes.

Do Not Bring Other People Into Your Relationship

This should be an obvious one, but you would be surprised.

For any long-distance relationship to survive and thrive, you can’t be constantly seeking attention from other people. Specifically, you can’t be dragging other people into your relationship or using them as an emotional outlet.

For instance, if you are mad at your partner, or sad because they forgot something important, do not call another man or woman to complain to. Now, I understand there is a purpose of friends and keeping social life balanced, but if you are calling someone of the opposite sex for emotional support constantly, you are depriving your relationship of that emotional growth and connection.

Again, never do this. Plus, once your partner figures out you are doing this, you will genuinely hurt them. Sometimes this can cause permanent damage to your relationship and cause trust issues to arise that will develop into more problems down the road. Therefore, keep the personal stuff private. People do not need to know your private business.

In addition to this, if you are constantly going to someone complaining about your significant other, then that person will develop a skewed image of them and start to give you bad advice. Please do not do this. Keep your relationship private, and deal with your problems with that person.

Now, if there is verbal abuse, serious conflict, or physical harm, then obviously seek the help you need. Otherwise, try to resolve all conflicts without a third party intervention to prevent additional problems.

Be Patient

This is probably one of the most important sections, but ironically it is at the end.

I can not stress this fact enough: be patient, be patient, be patient.

When you are in a long-distance relationship, emotions are heightened and you will not know how to feel sometimes, what to say, or how to act. Seriously, there were so many times we would explode in emotions because one of us had to leave to go home in an hour. Its almost as if your body knows that person is about to leave and you have so many unspoken thoughts, feelings, and desires that you just explode!

The first year or two of our long-distance relationship was hard on her. We would finally see each other after weeks of separation and stress from school, or just life, only to be faced with something even more daunting, emotions. Usually, she would get mad and cry the first night from all the things I said wrong the past few weeks or the things I forgot. I would have to stay extremely patient, because after that expression of emotions, she would be fine. It was just too much for her sometimes.

She had a habit of bottling everything up until we were together in person and then letting it all out like fireworks.

I suggest not doing this for those reading this, but ultimately, it worked for her. So, I had to make it work for me. At the end of the day guys and gals, you have to stay patient. You are two humans that are neither perfect, nor are you supposed to be. Love through the imperfections, and be patient.

Finally….

You will hurt each other, and you will have to forgive.

You will learn more about that person than you ever expected to.

You will cuddle so hard that you want to become one person, especially when that person is about to leave you in 15 minutes after they already stayed 2 hours longer, and they are gonna be late for work and have to explain it to their boss for the 100328432084 time.

You will have days when you just want to drop everything and drive to that person and hug them to death.

You will have days when the earth is falling apart because your mad as hell and you can’t see that person to fix it.

You will have nights when just sitting on the phone with that person will seem like the world stopped.

In the end, remember you are two humans. Two beautiful people capable of amazing things in this world. Treat each other with respect always. Love unconditionally, and always always thank God for each passing day.

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